the power of words
I believe in words only so much. Anyone can say anything, anytime.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah I'll do it later."
"I'll be better."
Words can only get one so far. To me, people's actions are what make words truth. So when your words do not mirror your actions, it can allow confusion and chaos into your life, or even someone else's life.
You should not say one thing and do another - that is cowardice. And yes, we've all been guilty of it once in a while, myself included. Those are the little white lies we tell ourselves. My last couple years have been mentally draining on me, and I would lie to myself like this every morning...every day, just to stay in routine.
"You're fine."
"One more pant leg & you can go back to bed."
"Just show up, that's all that matters."
I was just going through the motions. Every action felt like a chore; it was forced, limping behind my words. I thought saying these words to myself would make it all better, but it didn't. And then, I lost the routine. I gave up. That was my action. Absolutely nothing. I became the nothing, empty words clamouring down an empty being.
And in nothing, I had lost everything.
But that's a story for another time.
Now, I'm getting it all back...in baby steps sure, but a little of something is better than nothing at all. Both my words and my actions now are in the same stride - no hobbling around my life anymore. Any words that escape my lips now back up my actions, instead of my actions playing catch up to my words. Actions that may seem minuscule at times, but they are everything.
And that's what I look for now.
Not your words or the tone or how they leave your mouth, but the way you move
. A flick of your tongue. A small curve in your lips. A tenseness in your shoulders - I see it all now, because it's the most telling. It's like a new sense to me - I can not only see your actions, but feel and anticipate what possibly comes next. And no I'm not saying I can read people's minds or I'm an expert, but it's like a new awareness I have found within myself.
And it hasn't failed me yet.
keely-shaye
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